Already the lady's man!

Insurance won't pay for the surgery.
Defeated.

Ok, I'll tell you.

I am in the early stages of seeking out Lap Band surgery. Went to a seminar the other night. Have my appointment for consultation on Monday.

Wish me luck. I am desperate for this.

Maybe I should write about it here?
Maybe I should share?
Afraid of jinxing it.
Just cross your fingers and hopefully I will have good news soon!

It's 10:00 AM and already sticky hot. There aren't words for me to describe how much I hate the heat. I would rather have snow on the ground and frankly, could use one of those snowed-in days right now!

The city wide garage sale is Sunday and Monday. I can't wait!!! My camera will be on hand that day! Last year I had a blast. We start the morning off nice and early by going out to breakfast.

I have so much laundry to do it just isn't even funny :(

Sleep last night was a joke. Enough said.

I'll be back.

From my very first garage sale of the season: In this I shall plant my herb garden :)

Randomness.

I like sneezing.
I am in love with Criminal Minds.
I haven't had fried clams in a long time.
I killed a centipede this morning!
I wish I had an herb garden.
Ooh, maybe even tomatoes.
Now I want tomatoes!

The first 20 are in order. Beyond that, no particular order.

50 Favorite Movies

1) The Color Purple

2) Terms Of Endearment

3) Driving Miss Daisy

4) City Of Joy

5) Phenomenon

6) Corina, Corina

7) Pretty Woman

8) Kramer vs Kramer

9) Dirty Dancing

10) City Of Angels

11) Philadelphia

12) Legends Of The Fall

13) Out Of Africa

14) Erin Brockovich

15) City Of Angels

16) Running On Empty

17) The Scarlet Letter

18) Air Force One

19) Rainman

20)Top Gun

The 6th Sense

Mask

Moonstruck

Forest Gump

Love Story

Mother

Saturday Night Fever

Ghost

Grease

Red Dawn

XXX

The Man In The Moon

The Piano

Beetlejuice

Back To The Future

ET

The Exorcist

Rosemary's Baby

Tootsie

Carrie

Mrs. Doubtfire

Steel Magnolia's

The Joy Luck Club

War Games

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Urban Cowboy

The Other Sister

The Graduate

Taps

A Few Good Men

Sleep eludes me.
Mask isn't working out so well.
Early.
Coffee.
Facebook.
TGIF!!!
Dinner out tomorrow to celebrate anniversaries :)
Errands today.
Made the lunches.
Alarms going off soon.
Toodles.

I have fixed the spacing of the previous post 3 times. I don't know what the problem is. Sorry.

I am seriously in so much pain. My hips are killing me. Like, just standing sometimes takes me to my knees. So, you can imagine what walking is like. This is BS. This is MS. My whole life is ruled by it. It is a part of every moment. I never get a break from it. If I am not in pain there is another symptom showing it's ugly face.

New one: I can't tell you how many things I dropped over the weekend.

New one: Tremors. My hands and feet shake and jerk spontaneously.

It's great. Really. ****.

Moving on.

I had all of my kids AND Bubba in the house at the same time yesterday and forgot to take a picture. However, later in the day MY Mother stopped by and we did get a picture of FOUR generations, together, in the same picture! How awesome is that?

IF I were computer savvy I would know how to get those pics down her where I was talking about them. Whatever.

Bubba, as usual, was THE cutest thing EVER. I love that baby so much. When you think you could never love someone as much as you love your kid, along comes grand-children. It is a love that I can't describe. Smiles.

Mark cooked yesterday. He made a huge pot of beef stew and I made cornbread, pineapple upside down cake and salad. That man can cook! I'm not sure. But, I think I man have had an orgasm at one point. I'm just sayin'.

Taking a break from cleaning the kitchen. I have to do that. Clean in shifts. It is what it is.

The days are into spring, letting go of winter. The sun is shinning brightly and though there is a crispness to the air this morning I have a couple of windows open just so I can smell the flowers that have bloomed and the neighbors out mowing their grass have gifted me the smell of fresh cut grass. Heavenly.

OMG! Christopher and Mercede got me another frog ( I now have 6 in 3 different cages) for Mother's Day!!! A pacman frog! They are so cute. I have to get a picture of it still and name it. So far we I have 3 fire-bellied frogs named Henry, Gertrude & Jeremiah. Two tree frogs named Sid & Nancy and now a pacman frog, name-less.

Ok, back to dishes.

Play amongst yourselves.

Seriously, you all need to go read this blog. It is so delightful!

This is what makes me have a Happy Mother's Day!

Drinking!

This is my un-named frog :)

This is for you.

Reading this!

I'd do him!

This is the kind of frog I got! What should I name her?

I want to play with one of these :)

I want a puppy!

I want to paint my nails this color.

I want one of these!

Up way too early.
Coffee.
Facebook.
Working on a project.
Two, actually.
I got a new frog.
Pictures later.
Morning news.
Jealous of someone.

I never really 'lost it' over my diagnosis. I remember her telling me and me starting to cry. After she left the room (I was in the hospital) I got up and went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and said out loud....'You have Multiple Sclerosis'. I just stood there for a few minutes, wiped my face and went back to my bed to make the phone calls.

That's all. I never cried again about it. I told myself that this was the hand that I was dealt and I would just take it one day at a time.

At the time the only symptom I had was numbness in my feet and hands. I thought.....I can do THIS! THIS is it? Ok, I can handle THIS.

THIS has now turned into a slew of symptoms and THIS has now turned into a shot a day and about 20 pills (or so) to go with it. I walk different now. My gate is much slower and not very balanced. I lose my balance a lot. The pain is CONSTANT in my legs and hips. Some days standing is unbearable. As I type, tremors in my hands have them jumping around on the keyboard. They have a sort of nervous shake to them most of the time. I have been dropping things lately. I have developed Neurogenic Bladder. My memory sucks. Periodically my hands and/or feet go numb for sometimes days at a time.

As my symptoms grow in numbers I find myself reading all that I can and my future looks bleak. MS is a progressing disease. Meaning, it will only get worse. That thought brings me to tears. I know all of the cruel things that are going to happen to me as this disease takes over my body. The bottom line is.....MS is going to kill me prematurely and there is nothing I can do about it. As I sit here next to my daughter I look over and wonder how much of her life I might miss? Will I get to see her kids grow up?

I will not live in a wheelchair. I will not let my kids, my family, those I love watch me, with no dignity, lose all control of my body. This is a choice I have made. I will not put them thru that.

Suddenly, I find myself very scared with a single teardrop running down my cheek.

Early. Coffee. Just finished making lunches. Slept a little more last night. Called yesterday afternoon and they told me that it is normal to not be used to the mask by now and not sleeping with it all night. Just keep doin' what I'm doin'.

I am quite happy to have just heard on the morning news that Brett Michael is responding to stimulation. I have always liked him even though his music isn't my thing. I think he's just a really nice guy at heart.

I have so many books sitting here that I want to read. Seriously, like 5 or 6. I have to just be firm in that I need to put aside a couple of hours a day to commit to reading.

Also, I need to commit to journaling a little every day. I haven't done anything in it for awhile :(

I need to take more pictures of Bubba. He is getting so big and just amazing. I love that baby so very much.

Toodles.

I just spent the last 45 minutes (at least) re-grouping, adding to, organizing, up-dating (whatever) my "Blogs That Make Me Smile" list. Check it out. There are some incredible artists, ladies and a couple of guys thrown in there!

Pain has been really bad. Had to call the doctor yesterday it was so bad. MORE DRUGS! But, she also made it clear that there isn't a whole lot that they can do for me.

New doctor wants to do a "procedure" on Mark that has a risk of puncturing his lung. I don't like it. He's gonna get Dr. Workings opinion.

It's our weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Two more days!

I wrote Randy Chandler off my list. I am disappointed but I am also better than....."I'll say Hi when my wife isn't looking". Fuck that. When you grow up and are in charge of your own life, you know where to find me.

The Apnea machine isn't going so well. I am only managing a couple of hours a night with the mask on. Gonna call them today and see if that is normal.

I want an iPad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I may be back. IF I remember anything else.

Happy Birthday Christopher!